Praise
by Glasz Wingsz
Summary: Keith doesn't know how to handle praise.


Keith can count on only his hands the amount of times he's been praised for something. Maybe that sounds like a lot, but when he's nearly nineteen years old and there are 365 days in a year and you times that by 19 and he has ten fingers max... That's a lot of days when he didn't get any praise at all. Like, up in the multiple thousands type of lot of days.

Which doesn't actually bother Keith. He's long since past the age where he does anything for praise as his motivation. But once upon a time, when Keith was little and young and just wanted someone to keep him and love him and praise him, that probably bothered him then. So it might not bother him now, but Keith is pretty sure that it might be the reason why he seems so incapable of dealing with praise.

He doesn't know how he's supposed to react when someone praises him. He never really got any praise as a kid, so he never learnt how to take it. Shiro blushes and scratches the back of his head, looking away shyly, but he always gathers himself and graciously thanks the person praising him. Keith thinks that might be an appropriate way to react. But then there's Lance, who when praised, pushes his chest out and fluffs himself up and makes arrogant remarks about his obvious skill. Keith isn't sure he wants to act like that, and he doesn't really see a reason to either.  
He doesn't see a reason to act arrogant. But neither does he see a reason to act modest. He doesn't know how to react when someone praises him, so he just doesn't. It's not like he does anything for praise anyway. He would do the exact same thing if he didn't think it would earn him praise.

Hunk blushes too, but he gets all giddy and giggly. Pidge is probably the closest to Keith's level of indifference; she'll brush off praise with an easy "I know", but she smirks all haughty.

Keith doesn't do any of these things. He's not sure if that's just because he doesn't see the need to or because he's never been taught to do those things. Praise makes him uncomfortable. Because he doesn't need it? Because he doesn't know how to react to it? He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything about praise. Like when you're supposed to give it; he thinks maybe when somebody does something well that you didn't expect them to do so well with? Or is it only when you personally like what someone has done? See? He's not cut out for this praise thing. He doesn't understand it at all.

He remembers one of those rare times he was praised - finger number four, on the first hand, he thinks - when he just finished his first recorded simulator run at the Garrison. Iverson clapped him on the shoulder, hard enough to almost send him stumbling forward. Said "impressive, Cadet". Then the swarm of his fellow recruits, all wanting to congratulate him and compliment him. All completely wowed by some apparent level of effort that he apparently wouldn't have put in otherwise.

Just when he was starting to cringe from the closeness of all the bodies surrounding him as they waited for his reaction, Shiro saved him. Clapped his hand down right where Iverson had, but gentler. Warmer. Kinder. Shiro guided him [away].

Eventually, his peers stopped clapping and congratulating and complimenting him. His surly attitude deterred them. He came across as indifferent and arrogant, when all he really felt was confused and uncomfortable. Out of his depth. Why were they cheering him? Weren't they all here for the same thing as him? To pass the garrison to become pilots and space explorers? To fly well enough to achieve that goal? He wasn't doing anything special, just what was needed to see that dream come true.

Keith isn't used to praise and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's not really sure how to give it either, and when he's tried in the past, he comes across as distressingly apathetic. So when Allura pulls him aside as they're leaving the training deck after group training, he's not prepared for what she says.

"Keith, I've noticed you've made vast improvement since your arrival to the Castle. Certainly the most out of all of the Paladins".

She comes to a halt, and turns to face him, and it immediately feels like too much attention om him, even though it's only her and him, and the others have all left by now. He feels put on the spot, like a deer caught in headlights. He knows he should say something. But what?

"Uhh, thanks... I mean, I train all the time," he stumbles over the words, desperately searching for the correct response.

"Yes, I am aware," Allura smiles gently at him as she speaks, which doesn't put Keith at ease at all. "You display levels of motivation and dedication that the other Paladins seem to lack".

"Oh.." is all Keith can manage, unsure if she's simply still praising him or targeting the others.

"It's to your credit, Keith, that you dedicate so much time to bettering yourself".

Keith can't stay anymore. He doesn't know how he's expected to respond; he doesn't know the words Allura is expecting to hear. He's grateful, he guesses, that she thinks he's improved, but not sure why he needs to be noticed for it. He didn't do it for the acknowledgement; he did it so he wouldn't die or let the team down.

"Allura.. I gotta go, um," is all he can awkwardly murmur into his collar before he spins on his heel and rushes out of the room.

It's probably very rude of him, but then, that's just another thing he's never been very good at recognising. He's not good at any social situation really. He escapes from the training room and Allura's curious eyes, nearly running to get to the quiet refuge of his room. Once there, he's quick to lock the door behind him. Then he simply stands there, in the middle of the bare room, arms wrapped loosely around his abdomen, as if protecting himself from some unseen enemy. From what? From words? Words that should make him feel happy and proud, but instead make him feel uncertain and uncomfortable? Why is it so hard for him to just accept the words? Why does he have to be difficult? Why does he always have to be difficult?

It took him a whole hour before he felt comfortable enough to leave the private safety of his room. He avoided Allura for another two hours, and couldn't look her in the face during dinner that night. The other Paladins definitely noticed. But nobody said anything, and Allura didn't act any differently, so it was all probably chalked up to Keith's lack of social etiquette and/or ability.

That was nearly a month ago. Today, the team is training in sparring. The Paladins and Allura are all paired off, and Keith is partnered with Lance. It's hand-to-hand combat; Lance is clearly at a disadvantage, but to the Cuban teen's credit, he's yet to give up. While he has the advantage of height and weight on Keith, it isn't enough to compete with the other teen's experience. After being thrown to the ground for what must be the fifth time, the dark-skinned boy huffs out a sigh and heaves himself up to sit cross-legged.

"Geez, dude, you are insane," Lance exclaimes, reinforcing his words with expansive arm movements. "You're unstoppable".

Keith, a few feet away and starting to move forward to help the other boy, stops still. The words aren't necessarily praising, but the tone Lance says them in...

"I mean, I punched you, I got a solid punch in, right here" - and he demonstrates by pointing at his own cheek - "and it didn't even faze you. You didn't even feel it, you just grabbed my arm and then you quiznacking threw me! I weigh like twice you! How are you so good at this stuff?"

And there it is. That word. That question. He's heard it before. A statement of disbelief. Always posed to him when he's done something that was necessary, but is somehow extraordinary. How many times has he heard those words after a passed simulation? After an astrophysics test? After combat class? But a lot of those times, those words could be accusatory instead of praising. Either way, praise or accusation, past Keith didn't know how to deal with it. And current Keith still doesn't know how to deal with it.

"I train".

He doesn't know what else to say. Lance knows he trains. The whole team knows he trains. But Lance asked him the question and then Lance was staring at him, like he was waiting for him to say something.

"Yeah, I know, man, but still," Lance gushes. "You're like some super cool secret ninja".

"I..i'm not," Keith finds himself stuttering under his breath.

And then, because he doesn't know why Lance is looking at him with that excited gleam in his eyes and how he's expected to respond to it, Keith shuts down.

"Lance, I..I need to train".

Lance pauses mid-sentence, looking at Keith carefully. Keith isn't sure what he sees, but he doesn't start ranting again and he holds up a hand towards Keith, silently asking for help.

Keith pulls him to his feet and they return to training.

Keith should've known better. A silent Lance is never a good thing. It means he's either stuck in one of his self-deprecating moods, sulking over Allura, or plotting something. Even if it was only for a few seconds, Lance's silence when Keith interrupted him during his excited rant the other day, should've been telling. But Keith hadn't paid attention, too grateful that Lance wasn't singing his praises anymore to notice the calculating look in the other boy's eyes. Now, Keith's paying for it.

He'd been lured into the lounge, something about Shiro needing his opinion on something. Shiro was there already when Keith arrived. So was everyone else. Turns out, there was nothing that needed Keith's opinion.

That didn't explain how Keith found himself smushed into the corner of the lounge seat, trapped by multiple bodies on either side. Shiro was pressed firmly against Keith's right, a solid, warm presence from his shoulder to his ankle, the older man's human arm wrapped around Keith's narrow shoulders. On Keith's other side, Pidge was tucked against his arm, head nestled into his shoulder, and beside her, Hunk was sunk into the cushions, his bulk dwarfing the Green Paladin. Alliura and Coran were daintily seated on the couch head, within arms reach of Keith, and if he wasn't feeling so warm and comfortable right now, Keith might have been threatened by the obvious way the rest of the team had surrounded him. Lance was seated cross-legged on the floor, directly in front of Keith, and he was looking up at Keith with that calculating look again.

"So, the reason I've brought you all here today is..".

"You said Shiro needed my help with something," Keith interrupted, thoroughly confused by this point.

He tried to lean forward to confront Lance, but Shiro shushed him and used his other hand to push him back into the warm cuddle pile on the couch. Honestly, Keith is a little bit ashamed at how easily he allowed it.

"Well, I lied. We're here because this is an intervention".

"An intervention for what," Keith asked, but he knew better than to try to move this time.

"For you, Mullet. I noticed you don't like praise. At all. You freeze up. You don't know how to handle it. I mean, yeah, sure, you're all sorts of wierd social-inadequacy, but, man..".

"You ran away from me when I acknowledged your dedication to your training," Allura pipes in, her voice gentle and not-at-all accusing, but Keith still feels berated.

"Keith, we're not angry at you. And if there's a reason other than what I think is the reason you don't accept praise, then please, you can tell us. But you deserve so much. You work so hard and if all we can do for you, is praise you and acknowledge you, then we hope you can let us".

Shiro's soft, gentle words are too much for Keith, coming from the person who means the most to him. He doesn't know what to do with them; he doesn't know what to do with this whole situation. He never imagined this would be happening. They're all saying things to him and watching him expectantly and the cuddle pile doesn't feel warm and safe anymore, it feels like the trap it is. To keep him here. But for what? Why is he here? What do they want from him?

"Shiro thinks you haven't been praised enough, that your families never paid enough attention to you, so that's why you don't know how to handle it," Pidge explains. "Sooo, we're gonna help you. You'll get used to it eventually," she finishes with a smirk that Keith can hear in her tone as much as see.

"What..?" he breathes, feeling so completely out-of-his-depth..

"Keith, you deserve so much more than you've been given in life. You haven't had it easy, and you've fought to get to where you are, but you never lost your kindness. You protect everyone on this team, even at risk to yourself, and you've saved me so many times".

He's unprepared for Shiro's speech; he's left reeling, feeling like he's untethered in space, floating through the abyss, but before he has time to stabilise himself, Lance is speaking.

"I know I tease you a lot, Mullet, but it's just because I'm jealous. I mean, you're an amazing pilot, and you can fight, and use a sword, and you make it all look so easy".

Keith needs to get out of here. He doesn't want to be here. They're all still looking at him. Waiting for his reaction. But he doesn't know what that should be. Should he be blushing and thanking them? Puffing his chest out? Brushing it all off smugly? He doesn't know why they're saying these things so out-of-the-blue and he doesn't know how him acknowledging the words will make anything change or what purpose it would serve. He just hates that they're watching him, waiting. Waiting for something.

"Your dedication to the cause is exemplary".

"You're pretty funny.. when you're not being all emo".

"And you're smart. Don't think we didn't notice. You have to be, to be a fighter pilot".

"You're beautiful, Keith, inside and out".

"We love everything about you; never change".

By the time they're all run out of compliments, Keith is a mess. His body feels too small for the flood of feelings rushing through it; his skin feels like it's stretched too tight and the raging emotions are trapped underneath it, but it won't break. Until it does, and next thing he knows, he's being cradled to Shiro's chest as he sobs helplessly, confused and scared and unsure. There are hands on him, petting him, just touching him.

"Stop," he hiccups. "Stop. I don't know what you want. I'm not, i'm not.. not any of those things...no, but i am, but I don't understand. I don't know what you want or".

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay," Shiro's chest rumbles as he hushes the boy cradled in his arms. "You're okay. We don't want anything. We just want you to know how much you mean to us".

"But why!? Why are you saying those things?"

His sobs are settling into little, stuttering breathes, even though tears still slip silently down his cheeks. He's calmer now, now that they're not heaping unrestrained praise onto him. He's feeling looser, now that he's not fighting against a crazy current of uncontrollable emotions. Maybe the crying washed them away, or maybe he just feels safer and calmer wrapped up in Shiro's arms.

"Keith. You're my brother, and you deserve all of the appreciation I can give you".

"You're family to us too, Mullet. We don't leave anyone out".

"You're like a brother to me, Keith," Pidge interjects.

He's starting to feel overwhelmed again. He's not used to so much openness, especially when it's aimed at him. He's already embarrassed himself by crying in front of his team, so he has no qualms hiding his face in Shiro's chest. He hears them laugh, but he doesn't care. Shiro is warm and comfy and safe; here, leant into his brother's chest, he doesn't have to face the world and its' expectations; he doesn't have to try to figure out how the team expects him to respond.

"You'll get used to it eventually," he hears Pidge say, and he can still hear the smirk in her voice.

Maybe he will. He'll probably have to, if they keep holding interventions like this one. He's really not sure how he'll get used to it, but maybe it'll be nice.


End file.
